A Wishmaster(s) Trio: Part IV - Prophecy Fulfilled

Playtime is over.  Thank God.

If you've been following these reviews, I imagine you're a little sick of hearing about the Djinn.  You're not alone.  About this point - and it was a rough point as we debated whether to forge on ahead and view the forth film after watching I and III - some question began to arise.  Why, for example, did the Djinn have to immediately announce his grand scheme to the "Waker?"  Doesn't it stand to reason that instead of yet again demanding that the pitiful human go ahead and wish their world into hellish oblivion, meanwhile fulfilling each wish in the most gruesome and insane manner possible, the Djinn might consider trying a new tactic?  The adage "You catch more flies with honey..." comes to mind.  I know I wouldn't respond terribly well to an evil creature yelling at me to make more wishes after seeing his penchant for  mutilating my friends when I do venture a wish.

It's not what I'd call a well thought-out plan.

Almost as if granting a wish, Wishmaster IV (2002) picked up on this.  And addressed it.  It saddens me to admit that this may actually be the best film of I, III, and IV.  That's all relatively speaking, of course; it is by no means good.  There are sure to be people who fight me on this judgment; the first film is rated almost two points higher on IMDB.  I'm willing to wager that those who prefer the first movie are thrown by the turn this one takes, eschewing most of the campy gore scenes for arguments about homewreckers and replacing the outright "uncontainable evil" persona for a subtle and subversive one.  You know, the kind the Christian right likes to suggest will make you gay.  Or a democrat.  They traded out the screenwriter, dropped a lot of (but not all) the stupid wishes and add a surprising intelligence to the Djinn's strategy: granting small unassuming wishes without the heroine ever knowing she was being given them.  Well, small if you call her bitter paralyzed boyfriend suddenly being able to walk again "small and unassuming."   The film even had the good graces to cast the best looking stolen human form for the Djinn yet.  You're not completely mystified as to why our main character throws herself at him.  But I'm getting ahead. 

Fear not.  The filmmakers don't completely forget all our series conventions.  There's still a horrible accident that plagues our moody protagonist (hence the BF's paralysis), and a multitude of boob shots to ease your viewing pain.  And yes, there are couple of really stupid wishes, like one girl wishing she could have "sex to die for."  The Djinn grants this by pinning her body against a wall using unseen forces and apparently orgasming her to death.  So really it was more like masturbation to die for, unless the wall had some part in her enjoyment.  But then I don't imagine you're terribly surprised by the Djinn's disinterest in granting her what she actually asked for.  Anyway, back to the story.

Wishmaster IV kicks it off with the "happier times" of our main characters.  Young and romantic, they break into an abandoned house and make love on some squatter's fleabag mattress.  The fantasy doesn't end there, as Sam then sketches the lovely Lisa, naked in front of a roaring fire... but all is not well as an iceberg looms dead ahead! Apologies, I'm getting it mixed up with Titanic again.  No, Sam and Lisa hop back on his motorcycle after the sketching session and zoom off into the present.  In the present (circa 2002) Sam is unloveable, depressed and unable to walk.  Lisa, ever the faithful companion, is now embroiled in the legal process of his settlement.

"Where does the evil genie come into it?!" I can hear you asking.  Don't worry child.  The lawyer on Sam's case, Steve, sorta has a thing for Lisa.  He likes to express these inappropriate feelings by giving her weird local handicrafts; every girl's dream.  In a fit of frustration Lisa throws the gift and wouldn't you just know it?  There's a blood stone hiding inside!  Simply by touching - not blowing, or rubbing -  the stone, Lisa awakens a washed-up, has-been of great evil.  

Let's just skim over what happens next since it should be rather obvious:  Lisa takes off. Djinn makes an appearance to the bewildered, just-been-spurned guy.  Djinn kills guy and assumes his identity.  Djinn goes looking for the waker.  Here's where our trip makes a slight departure.  Steve-Djinn finds Lisa rather easily.  In fact he just calls her up on the phone.  Score one for the evil genie utilizing today's technology to locate his victim, sparing viewers from a tedious search-for-the-waker montage.  Next, he decides NOT to show her his true form right-out-the-gate.  Another smart move.  Instead of Lisa wasting all her wishes on trying to defeat the demon or simply holding out from making her last one, she unknowingly wishes for things that the loitering Steve-Djinn grants.  Clever, right?  Well as the movie progresses it slowly turn into a supernatural episode of Dawson's Creek.  Tensions mount between ultra-bitter Sam and unappreciated, had-it-up-to-here Lisa.  Meanwhile Steve-Djinn picks up where dead-Steve left off and begins laying on the romantic overtures pretty thickly.  All the more reason for Sam to be annoyed with Lisa and Lisa to find Steve-Djinn even more appealing.  Not that I'm taking sides in this but Sam may have a point, as Lisa, for no explained reason, won't even let him see her naked anymore.  Cold.  A man has needs.  Nowadays Sam is forced to spend all his time on his laptop looking at tasteful websites designed for the sexually aroused gentleman.  At least those women love him for who he is.

Torn between two men, one an emo, paraplegic porn-addict and the other a sweet, wealthy lawyer/all-powerful, evil-incarnate, Lisa must make a tough decision.  All this relationship drama cultivates in a scene where Lisa finally makes her third wish... That she could love Steve-Djinn for who he really is.   Did I say he was all-powerful?  Let's try almost all-powerful.  It seems that Djinn can't mess with love - it's too strong a force, or too foreign to the demons or something or other, and thus the only one who can grant this wish is Lisa herself.  This presents a problem as Steve-Djinn is really more Djinn than Steve and good luck getting her to fall in love with a hideous monster bent on world domination.  But that doesn't mean he isn't going to try, dammit.  Where does one start when learning to woo human women?  By asking people who really understand love and commitment.  So Steve-Djinn sets off for the strip club where, not surprisingly  he runs into Sam (drama!) and grants a couple of wishes.  I need to pause to say that I'm disappointed with the filmmakers in their lack of follow-through with one bartender's wish to be "a zit on her [a stripper's] ass."  Sure, the Djinn grants it, but we never get to see it realized.  I was thoroughly disappointed as visions of an extreme close up on a bartender-faced zit danced through my head.  You'll  just have to imagine it, I guess.

Somewhere in here the producers must have been worried about losing their original audience as the body count simply isn't as high as previous Wishmaster movies.  Enter "the Hunter."  Apparently when the third wish is officially made (not granted) this mysterious statue is brought to life to stop the Djinn if possible.  WTF?  There is no mention of why or who set up this desperate last gambit.  In most circumstances, since the wish would've been granted immediately, this measure seems like far too little, a little too late.  Either way, it plays out like someone from the Highlander franchise has wandered into the film, hair and all.   He's not good either; let's clarify that right now.  You might be duped into thinking he's working for the man upstairs or something, except that his first act is to behead a shop keeper who is creeped out by him.   The Hunter is little more than an inclusion designed to up the random violence and propagate a dramatic sword fight in the woods with Steve-Djinn.  Don't worry this subplot doesn't go on for long as the Hunter is quickly dispatched, leaving Steve-Djinn to explain to Lisa why a Scotsman just jumped out of the forest and attacked him.  With a sword.  Luckily Steve-Djinn is quick on his borrowed feet, and blames it on a disgruntled client.

Suffice it to say, the Djinn just isn't grasping the concept of wooing and makes the fatal mistake (just as so many high school girls and Dawson's Creek stars have) of thinking that by sleeping with her, Lisa will love him.  Tenderly, the Djinn is now starting to fall in love with Lisa himself, or so we are lead to believe by the countless (read: 3) other Djinn on "the other side" who keep petitioning him to fulfill the last wish.  They show up every so often to chastise poor Steve-Djinn about his unnatural interest in Lisa and to just get 'er done.  They don't understand; semi-omnipotent evil beings never do.  

But sleep with Lisa he does, in an epically creepy scene with way too many extra Djinn hands getting involved.   Here's where it all falls apart, at least for the Djinn, and perhaps the viewer too.  Finally revealing himself to her, the Djinn panics and falls back on the old tried-and-useless method of demanding that she fulfill the wish (and destroy the world), as if Lisa can just flip a switch and love him. Seriously, the Djinn just don't get human relationships.  At least he offers to sweeten the deal by making Lisa his Queen... not a bad offer, really, from a guy who can grant any wish your heart desires, especially if he loves you and perhaps doesn't want to give you the worst possible interpretations.   I was a little saddened by her lack of enthusiasm for him or his offer.  Sure, he's probably not your ideal, but he can look like anyone you want him to and for being a remorseless and hateful creature, he's made some strong strides in the direction of affection and love.  He's not without hope, is he?  And Steve-Djinn is way better than pathetic and irritating Sam.  But apparently Lisa isn't impressed by this and well... I guess you'll just have to see the film for the thrilling conclusion filled with boatloads (3) of Djinn and more blue screened fire effects than you could ever imagine.  But don't take my word for it!  

Wishmaster IV: Prophecy Fulfilled (it isn't, BTW) smashes into a 4 on the "So-bad-you-must-see-it-immediately" scale.   The best of the three.  Which isn't saying much.